remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
