i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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