I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
