the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
