i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
