Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
