Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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