i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
