So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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