I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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