We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
