I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
