She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
