Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
