i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
