I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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