im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
