five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
