I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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