I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
