his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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