We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
