sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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