The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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