I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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