brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
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