I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
