Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
