you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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