that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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