my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
