fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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