i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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