I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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