Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
