I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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