My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize