Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
