weddingsv make me drug and hornr
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
