Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
