i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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