i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
