I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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