I just pynch a tree in the face
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
