yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
