Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Drake has all the answers
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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