Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
