If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
