Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
