Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
