He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
