well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
