this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
