You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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