in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
