like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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