If that was your dad, he is hot
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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