Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
they're like a gay fantastic four
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
