Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
