The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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