Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
if only i could text you this smell
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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